well, yeah im wearing all black...so what asshole?

{I am his security password.}

I wonder if he knows that he is my journal entry, my greatest achievement, my deepest scar.

Ive spent my entire night trying on flannel, tights and trying to find some bigger god damned headphones... indie october is in full swing and im stoked. All black, vampire weekend and all nighters here i come.

im trying to center my thoughts, in order to provide suffient information to keep this blog alive. I hope its not drying up, im  truly sorry i just haven't feel sufficient enough lately to be worthy 

you know?

I'm sure reader, you do. If you feel sufficient and whole..well umm,

BACK THE FUCK OFF FROM MY BLOG BITCH, NORMAL PEOPLE LIKE YOU HAVE WHOLE HEARTS, CLEAN SHEETS AND SIZE 2 JEANS TO GET BACK TO!

anyway. i'm truly sorry if i have been sorta letting it slip lately, lately i have just been thinking about how many people in my life i truly dont feel worthy of...what have i done to deserve such a freaking source you know? A source of energy, love, compassion, understanding, i feel like someone as mediocre as myself shouldn't deserve the amazing light i get from these people. 

this is not a pity party for me, nor are you the goodie bag..(haha ohh nickandnorah)

im not going to cry and put on my size 8 jeans yelling that im fat..

(seriosusly though if you are normal and skinny please grace some other confidence lacking human with your oh so gracefull presence)

what other people see:

me:

Im confident.

{at times}

Im beautifull

{with the right amount of makeup}

Im skinny

{Only because im sucking in 27 fucking seven}

Okay wow PITY PARTY IS OFFICIALLY CRASHED.

Dunno why i just went there, apologies, fuck i apologize too much

shit im doing it again...sorry

FUCK.

This blog is all over the place, hmm how shall i bring it back together.

oh wait i WONT because thats how we all are, 

Friends,Family,Lovers,Strangers

keep me close to being somewhat whole,

there is a constant pull in every direction of the way i feel.

sometimes the pain is excrutiating.

sometimes i have never felt so free.

point is:

If we were all whole and shit,haha

well that would just be plain boring.

no one wants a whole 

I want pieces:

Habits

Imperfections

Freckles

Obnovious laughs

Fears

Hopes

Secrets

All of these things sorta kinda make up who we are in my opinion..

But thats just me

And  well you may have noticed....

Im   f a r     ---------->                from normal.